i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
