I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
