I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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