i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got inside last night via doggy door
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
