sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
