One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
