Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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