a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
