I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
