So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
