so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
