mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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