at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sobbing to NWA
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
