Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
this will be a night to untag.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
