if you like me you must not know who I am
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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