When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
