No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
