he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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