I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
