He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
