The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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