At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
