This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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