Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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