yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
