we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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