I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i need some magic done to my vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
