just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
