so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
