"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
