The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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