Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
