she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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