I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
