she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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