Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we should paint friendship bongs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
