Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
