well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
