Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
