her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
