turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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