Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
