genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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