Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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