..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
