i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
