You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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