Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
