sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
