I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
