I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
