He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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